Rough Draft

Happy belated 100th post.

So I've posted a century of posts ever since I started blogging, and yes, looking back, I've grown much. It wasn't so much as how I develop my thoughts, but rather, the amount of knowledge I have aquired over the past years. And I can safely say that I've matured quite a bit since my first days of secondary school years.

Even though I've come to make a habit out of pretending to be clueless at many situations/circumstances in certain stages of my life, I wasn't trying to run away or escape from anything at all. The reason is actually simple- that I refused to be sucked into the vortex of this harsh reality we're living in, and I prefered to lie deep, immersed in my very own thoughts. However, my way of handling my life are suffering from side effects clearly visible now. It's like taking drugs, I've gotten so used to dwelling in the hidden that it's been too frequent a place to be in these days. I guess there's a negative side to everything; the balance of life require positive and negative forces to cancel out each other. So I've exchanged the cruelty of truths for the relaxation of self-denials. And like quicksand, it's never-ending, and before I know it, I'd have been engulfed.

But given the chance to choose again, I'd have chosen the latter, still.

I guess it's like how the old saying goes, "Once bitten, twice shy." The many episodes and brushes with the lives of people that walk in and out of my life taught me there's no such thing as everlasting. Friction wears down the soles of our shoes, time wears out the bond of 'friendship'. As we build continuous bonds over and over again, a certain reaction will still take place, and a certain element/compound will disappear. If we look carefully, we can see the building blocks of life.. the toppling and the building.

Some people told me once, that the way I look at things are too negative, that I'll never be happy this way. Well, I can't argue with the former, but I beg to differ with the second part. I've experience great joys in this world, simple things like having a go at my friend's ego, or even a simple game of basketball. I've been happy, and yes, I've my downs too. But just like one of the messages in cell group goes, no one is without their valleys, and my valleys hardly strike a link with my way of thought. How I think and feel had not brought about more depressions than before, neither did it bring along more joys. What mattered was that I have a place to run away to, a secret world where I could talk and play with imaginaary friends, without worries, without constant pressure of the spinning globe of blue and green.

Or if you look at it in another way, you find it strangely familiar to the world.. of a little child.

A place where a lollipop meant the world to him, where tedious studies find no place in his heart. A place where he has imaginary friends, where he shapes the image of his perfect playmate exactly like how he wants them, to be like. Houses made of mouth-watering biscuit? Rivers of flowing dark chocolate? Isn't it uncanny that this place sound so much like paradise, & so much like heaven.

The gap between the living world and paradise, is but a single thought. (:

posted by cigarettelove @ 9:24 AM